How to answer the question – What do I want my legacy to be? (And does it even matter?!)

If you’ve ever been asked: What do you want your legacy to be?

Then you will probably know how hard this question can be to answer…

I was recently talking to someone in my mastermind group who was feeling lost and hoping to gain some clarity in the direction and focus of her life.

She was looking outside herself at a long list of her roles/identities as a way to begin to answer this question for herself.

Honestly, this question used to provoke initial resistance for me because how can you even approach a question like this when it’s future-based?

How do you even know what your legacy will be when you’re still in your life living it?! (This is where the clues are! More later)

Here are my thoughts and experiences on how to go about answering the legacy question for yourself and helping your clients to do the same.

The first thing to notice is where are you answering this question from…Your Ego or your True Nature?

Let’s explore this further…

We live in a success-driven world.

Many years ago, I led an activity in a corporate Leadership Development Program based on the question: what do you want your legacy to be? This question guided the session toward a deeper discussion of understanding the importance of business and personal values.

Most of my students struggled and tended to answer from a work-based perspective focusing on their future achievements. They didn’t connect leaving a legacy to their life outside of work.

During the activity, I’d often observe a person’s ego take over as they listed their future roles all driven by achievement and success. Here are a few of what some students wanted to be remembered for:

• Being the best CEO of this company – leaving it in great shape
• Running a successful multi-million dollar business
• I’ll be famous for changing the [insert your topic here e.g. coaching] world

Now there’s nothing wrong with any of these goals. They are focused on future-based external achievements and they’re all about DOING.

These responses felt a little superficial, almost as if they were trying to please their bosses in their organization. I remember one guy frowning and making fun of his peer sitting next to him whose legacy was to be the very best Dad and role model for his two sons.

“Legacy is not leaving something for people. It’s leaving something in people.” – Peter Strople.

The first three examples are all leaving something for people.

I see these as potential by-products of someone’s legacy but not their actual legacy.

The Dad example – is leaving something in people (experiences shared and infused in the hearts and minds of his sons) this is the intention of his legacy.

Many of us don’t know who we truly are, what we want, or what we are capable of. We feel lost and have no true sense of ourselves or our values.

It’s hard to know who we are and what we want.

Unless you already have a good understanding of yourself, it’s hard to go any deeper to explore and define your legacy from an authentic place.

Many of my leadership clients didn’t know their own personal values, but they could articulate the company values. They measured their own value and worth through their external success and achievements, ratified by others.

This is what I mean by an ego-driven approach to creating a legacy…

There’s a lot of pressure for us to strive to be the best and to have an impact on the world. The US culture is all about achieving and being successful. It’s very externally focused, as we’re always looking outside for approval and confirmation that we are successful. It’s exhausting.

If you answer the legacy question from this perspective then you are creating an external outcome for other people, and setting standards and goals for yourself that might not be realistic or attainable. You are bypassing your heart and authentic self in the process. Your legacy becomes just another goal-setting exercise along with a list of To Do’s.

Our Ego’s like to create goals to achieve so that others can look at us and tell us how great we are.

Your Legacy is about BEING, not DOING.

Those whom I’ve experienced in my life who have left a legacy didn’t set out to create one. They showed up as their best self, opened their heart, and strived for what they believed to be true.

The legacy formed naturally through the true nature of their work and presence in the world. Their drive and motivation came from passion, devotion, and selflessness.

One lady who best defines this for me recently is Kirsty Waller, one of the founders of the Shelter Dog Transport Alliance, who died suddenly and unexpectedly in February 2023.

I’m sure she didn’t set out with the intention to leave a legacy. Her life was dedicated and focused passionately and devotedly on saving as many furry lives as possible in any way she could. She literally saved thousands upon thousands of dogs and cats, giving them a second chance.

Her work must have been hard and harrowing at times. She saw terrible cruelty and neglect, yet she relentlessly focused on saving and healing lives. Her altruistic nature shone brightly through.

Her recent death has left an enormous hole to fill, and everyone who was touched by her life remains dedicated and devoted to filling this hole by carrying on Kirsty’s extraordinary work. This is truly a legacy – created from a deep authentic presence of a huge heart and soul… She definitely left something in all of us that will continue to burn brightly.

THE BEST WAY TO LEAVE A LEGACY…

I believe the best way to leave a legacy is by not focusing on creating a legacy but by creating your best authentic life. If you pay attention, you can tell if you are being ego focused or coming from your true self. There’s a completely different energy.

I believe when you are living from your authentic self – you can’t help but leave a legacy because you leave something in people. A legacy lives in the hearts and minds of others, while you are here and after you have gone… It’s an experience, a feeling, in the time you shared together.

There’s something bigger at work here. You are ‘being’ not ‘doing’ – And that can’t be manufactured externally, it has to be experienced and felt.

If you want to answer: What do you want your legacy to be?

Start by going deeper inside and learning to understand yourself and what’s important in your life. Knowing yourself well, helps you to reconnect to your true nature and brings you home to who you are and how to BE in this world.

This is the key to creating a legacy that you leave in others…

As Mahatma Gandhi said: “In a gentle way, you can shake the world.”

Life isn’t always about huge grand gestures or being famous, in a gentle way you can shake YOUR world – you make a difference, one person or one animal at a time in each present moment, while you are living. This leaves a lasting effect that remains inside of others after you have gone. You have touched their lives.

Your legacy is continued in their hearts, minds, and soul. This is what Kirsty achieved in her lifetime and what she has gifted to those of us who were lucky to be touched by her life in some way.

Your legacy forms in the present.

I’ve come to realize there is no such thing as the past, no such thing as the future – all we have is the present moment.

Being fully present in each moment is truly beautiful and precious – and it’s amazing what shows up and is presented to you – Seriously! Take notice…

True legacy comes from hindsight, you can’t always articulate it until you’ve experienced the moment and lived it. Only then are you (and others) truly able to look back, and put it into words. Sometimes there are no words, just a feeling of pure love.

Your true legacy is formed in the hearts and minds of those around you. You are creating your legacy in every present moment that you are alive – this is what’s important!

When you connect internally, you deeply get to know yourself and what you are capable of.

When you let go of your ego and connect to who you truly are – this is where you create MAGIC, change lives, make a difference in your world, and leave your legacy in those around you.

Leave a comment below and let me know how you feel about this question. What are your experiences of people leaving a legacy?