If you look back at your own life I’m sure you can recall times when you’ve experienced rejection in some way: you missed out on a promotion, you didn’t get the project you’d sent a proposal in for, you didn’t get your dream job, a client dropped you, or you were unceremoniously dumped by your latest boyfriend/girlfriend!
In moments like these rejection can feel devastating…
Most of us feel uncomfortable sharing our past rejections and failures and we tend to keep them to ourselves, because we’re frightened that people will judge or think less of us.
So, we keep those memories locked inside for personal viewing when we have self-doubt or uncertainty in the present.
Rejection happens to EVERYONE.
It’s a normal part of life. People get rejected, dropped or turned down all the time… While rejection feels very real and painful – it’s an essential part of being a Human Being.
As a business owner or coach you can experience rejection when a potential client decides to sign up with someone else, or one of your clients asks to be assigned to another coach in the group program you’re coaching in. (if you’re an Associate Coach for someone else)
So much growth can come from this experience, if you are courageous and open to the gifts that it can bring.
It’s sometimes hard to see this as a growth opportunity when you’re stuck in the middle of it. Unconscious patterns are playing out, and we’re locked in the repetitive story of just how bad things are or how everyone is judging you.
Depending on your personality type, you might react by:
- Exploding with anger or frustration
- Isolate yourself and withdraw to wallow in the shame and pain
- Doubt your abilities and judge yourself
- Get caught in the drama and become the victim
- Try to stuff it down and ignore it
- Blame someone else
- Freak out and panic
- Become anxious and obsessed with worry
- Become scared of being exposed as a fraud
- Discouraged and want to quit
- Try to control the situation
Why do we react this way?
These are behavioral, emotional and mental patterns that play out when you feel that there are no other options. They are deeply embedded in your personality. You react from your own coping strategy to defend yourself when you feel uncomfortable and vulnerable.
John McDonnell says: “Every problem introduces a person to himself.”
I LOVE this quote because I believe whatever you are experiencing, you ALWAYS have the opportunity to grow through it. Every experience takes you nearer towards the truth of who you are.
It’s ALL about your attitude towards the situation and whether you can be curious, open and courageous to learn from it.
Let me explain some more…
Curiosity lightens the experience
You have relied heavily on your automated patterns and stories in the past. Curiosity can help you to lighten the experience, soften any self-judgment and allow an opening for you to experience self-awareness at a deeper level. Curiosity is a lighter energy that can lessen the perceived threat, because you’re stepping into awareness.
Pain is a great teacher
The pain that you are feeling is teaching you about where you are just now in that moment. Take a moment to slow down and be with the pain. Can you stay with that experience just a little longer? What do you notice? Feelings are meant to be experienced. They are the gateway to a deeper level of self-awareness. Take time to process your emotions. I use journaling to help me with this.
Acknowledge and accept what is
Recognize what is happening here in the moment. If you’re willing to accept the situation for what it is, you can create a little distance between yourself and the pattern. Acknowledge what you are avoiding, because the energy of this experience will otherwise continue to lurk in the shadows consuming energy, creating more tension and constriction.
Open your heart
As a coach, I constantly work with clients who have setbacks and negative experiences. I help them reframe their problems and transition through their pain using it as a catalyst for growth. Open your heart to acknowledge your emotions without getting washed away by them. Be kind and compassionate to yourself. (Get help with this if you are open to it)
You are NOT alone
The truth is that life is messy and full of ups and downs. We all experience both negative and positive times. You can’t avoid it – It’s just a natural part of life. No one enjoys or wants to feel rejected. Know that this moment will pass and you will move through it and beyond it.
Be honest with your feelings in the context of your work and be open to your doubts and fears. This vulnerability is a powerful learning tool if you can be open to it.
Rejection is just a container for growth. Inside it holds a powerful lesson that if released will liberate you from your inner critic and help you to understand yourself better.
Oh how excellent, not only for business, personal life experiences as well
Thanks so much Jody! Absolutely! This is for anyone who is a Human Being xo