We all have an inner critic that can beat us up when we least expect it. I’m sure you are familiar with THAT voice in your head… (or perhaps there are many voices!).
The reality is that our minds are ALWAYS chattering!
If you know the Enneagram Personality Types, you’ll be aware that two Enneagram types have powerful inner critics in their heads: Enneatype ONE, and the Enneatype SIX who has an inner committee!
Your inner critic is especially powerful if you are someone with a strong inner sense of obligation. For example:
- You tend to take care of other people’s responsibilities before your own.
- You follow your own deeply embedded inner mental rules and always do. (what you perceive to be) the right thing.
- You have difficulty quieting your mind.
- You might feel burned out, often unappreciated.
- You feel stressed out by a never ending, and constantly expanding list of responsibilities that need to be fixed.
- You are service-focused so there’s never time for your own needs to be met.
- You get caught between the various voices in your committee, when you have to make a decision.
- You don’t trust yourself.
- Your stress levels increase as you try to do everything perfectly.
Our self-doubting critic shows up as we’re about to deliver a talk or when we’re stepping up to do something bigger. Once we stretch out of our comfort zone we become vulnerable to negative self-talk.
That internal voice (or committee!) sounds so real and convincing, that it’s easy to believe, and before you know it, you’re spiraling into self-doubt and uncertainty, as your confidence and self-worth drains away. You’re unconsciously caught in its web. Add a sprinkling of stress and anxiety and your inner critic will take over the show!
Your inner critic isn’t real…
It’s created by thoughts, reinforced by automatic habits and stories that you tell yourself over and over, when you’re constricted and lost in your unconscious patterns.
Attached to its messages believing them to be true…the inner critic becomes a central and important figure of your ego.
REMEMBER – Our thoughts LIE!
The quality of your inner dialogue has a huge impact on your actions and results.
Getting to know your inner critic…
Your inner critic is a coping strategy that’s ONLY interested in its own survival. It doesn’t care about helping you grow or in your well-being. Listening and reacting from its messages holds you back from your own inner wisdom and truth – and you play small and stay stuck.
Remember that these messages aren’t true…
The more you can learn about your inner critic, the easier you’ll be able to disassociate yourself from its messages, and reduce the power it has over you.
Five ways to quieten your inner critic and lessen its power over you:
1. Notice when your inner critic Shows Up – Use a notebook or journal to write down the messages that you hear, as they show up in your head. Become familiar with the language. The more you can learn about how your inner critic works, the easier it will be to disassociate yourself from its messages.
2. Learn to see the messages for what they are and their impact – You may have always just accepted these messages as the truth, and then reacted. Be curious, and begin to see them for what they are – just thoughts that we’ve grabbed, identified with and then become attached to. THEY ARE NOT THE TRUTH…
Explore these questions:
- What are the messages of your inner critic?
- What are your inner critic’s expectations of you?
- How and when do you comply with these messages?
- What do you notice about the impact of these messages on you?
- How do these messages affect your interactions with others?
3. Create a distance between yourself and the messages – Be willing to create a little distance between yourself and your inner critic. Your critic will still show up on your journey, but he/she has to sit in the back seat of the car and not give directions, or/ be a backseat driver, and he/she isn’t allowed to change the radio channel! 🙂 Be curious and see if you can become an observer.
While you are being self-aware, also remember to be compassionate and gentle with yourself.
4. Give your inner critic (or each of your committee members) a name – Humor is a wonderful way to help you to create some distance between you and your inner critic. I have a client who is a One personality type on the Enneagram. She calls her critic: Bitchy Brenda!
Giving your inner critic a name separates these thoughts from yourself. My client is able to laugh when she tells me that: “Bitchy Brenda showed up this morning!”
Ask him/her to take a seat, as you’ve got this!
5. Get to know each of your committee members – If you have a committee, ask yourself the following questions:
- How many members sit in my inner committee?
- Who are they? (Name them – you might recognize voices and viewpoints of a specific parent, teacher or influencer that you learned in early life)
- How does this committee serve you?
- How do they undermine you?
- How does their mental chatter contribute to your indecision?
Then ‘fire’ your inner committee! You’ve got it from here!
By learning about your inner critic, you’ll be able to recognize what it is doing, and develop ways to reduce its power and impact upon you. It’ll help you to quieten your mind and let go of any self-judgment.
Let me know if you need any help with this 🙂
What strategies do you use to quieten yours?