In my experience, most workaholics have a strong belief that their value is dependent upon what other people think of them.
They certainly don’t set out with the intention to become a workaholic. Unconsciously they believe that their worth depends upon their success and being recognized for their achievements.
They become deluded by their perception of the positive regard of others and it can be hard to imagine any other way of living.
Constantly striving for a successful image is exhausting and stressful.
The work culture in the USA is certainly one of push, push, push to be the best – start strong – finish strong – be a disrupter – success is everything – 10x your business! (Just check social media for reinforcement of this!)
It’s exhausting and stressful…
Regardless of their level of success, my clients occasionally get a glimpse of emptiness and sadness that something is missing. They feel may restless, and this can fuel the need to push themselves even further… they can’t stop setting goals.
Despite this relentless pushing, some of my clients never feel authentically successful, they secretly fear being found out and continue to push themselves – often to the point of breakdown…
Sometimes it takes a breakdown to crack them open and bring this pattern out of the shadow into their conscious awareness.
I’ve had clients come to me for help after a breakdown or after a serious threat to their health, as they realize they can’t continue as they are…
Here are 5 Delusions of workaholics. See if you recognize any of these in your clients (or yourself!)
1. I’m keeping the boss/my clients happy.
If your boss is allowing you to continue to work endless hours and expects you to respond to his/her emails at the weekend, evenings, and while on holiday, then they care very little about you as a person.
If you are a business owner – have you unwittingly taught your clients to expect this by allowing it to happen? Either way, you’ll ultimately drown in your own unrealistic expectations of yourself.
You will burn out.
2. I’m a hero.
Some workaholics perceive that they are heroes in their business. Superhuman beings who regularly save the day!
You don’t look for ways to be more efficient because you feel like a hero: What would THEY do without you? (Seriously…They’ll find someone else – another coach or another employee!)
You talk about how tired you are and how little sleep you get with pride – it’s a badge of honor! The number of hours you work becomes a game of comparison and competition instead of focusing on how productive you are!
3. I’m better than others.
Your ego feels superior over others who only work regular hours and don’t achieve as much as you. They feel guilty because they get to go home on time and have a life.
You are unknowingly creating poor morale in those around you by your behavior. If you’re the boss then others may feel obliged to follow your role model. You grind everyone into exhaustion.
If you run your own business, you strive for attention from others for your successes. You’ll tell others about all your achievements, and do whatever it takes to look good. Even if it means bending the truth about your accomplishments.
4. I accomplish more.
The truth is that workaholics don’t accomplish more than anyone else. They just work more – usually to the detriment of their personal life. The longer you work the more chance you’ll make mistakes because you’re tired.
It’s okay as a one-off but it’s not sustainable. When burnout comes (and it will) it hits you much harder, possibly with serious side effects.
You lose concentration the longer you work.
Your decision-making ability is impaired and you lose focus on what’s important.
Your emotions are heightened and you may say or do things out of character.
Things take much longer to achieve.
5. Successful people work long hours.
Most people work longer hours occasionally. Successful people live their values and create time for work and personal activities. They set and maintain boundaries so these don’t blur into each other.
Workaholics don’t know when to stop – They are driven by perfectionism and attention to detail or because they believe they are loved for their performance and achievement.
As a coach, you can help a workaholic begin to let go of their belief that their value is dependent upon what others think of them.
That they don’t always have to have it all together.
You can help them to reconnect to their inner authentic self by shifting their energy and focus from the external: what everyone thinks of them, to inside themselves and what really matters to them in their heart. Helping them to connect to their authentic self.
YES… they can still be successful and also have a life…
Life is beautiful – Don’t let work be your life!